So here we go again. Long time no talk, huh? Well there was a reason, always has to be for me, those who know me well are aware of what the crap has been..well let’s say had been going on.
Firstly, I’m back to Vienna again, for quite a long period this time I must assume. Couple of months ago I would hate to say that, but now I’m totally fine with staying here for a while. And no, it’s not that I just got used and stuff, nah, it’s just the left peaces of that somehow clear mind hopefully left inside my head telling me that now i need to belong here. There have been many changes, maybe even more than ever. That’s the main reason why I stopped posting public notes – a time of thoughts and conclusions made it all worth being only private, so there simply was no time and lust left for sharing anything.
What’s next…From now (actually this could be said from the time I had left Saint P.) I’m single. Not gonna say anything, it has already all been talked about enough times. It’s just a final point. Am I suffering? Yeah, but that’s not because of being dumped or anything. I am okay with being alone even though it has never happened to me like that since I was about 14 y.o. But it’s all fine, the plans crash, even those for a lifetime do, and there is a way to get over it.
Actually, I can’t say that I have found mine yet. So, this last month was just a series of drinking nights, shame on me. Hope it’s not gonna reveal what I’ve become recently, can just admit the miserableness of my state.
But still. I’m fine. Seriously, all those worries about drinking problems of mine, studies blanks, skipping some of life as they are already saying, having a pity for myself and going outta my mind – that’s bullshit. I am okay, a huge break up with pretty much anything around can happen to anybody.
Away from quatschen and back to the routine: I have moved out. Big changes really mean that, so I have even changed my place of stay. a view out of my new windowThe moving out and – in was a hard process, so thanks to everybody who has been helping me!that amazing moment when we managed to reconstruct a hanger
That was just on time when I got something to be very busy with! Making it all cozy took a while and at the same time took my thoughts away from the suicidalish thoughts. And my trip to Paris was just what I needed of course.5 a.m.6 a.m.7 a.m.The sleepless nights – these weeks I’ve had a record number of those! Problems with private life as well with the studies and tens of decisions lead me to getting sleep problems, but at the same time I was managing an enormous amount of stuff – I have never been that productive probably! after-new dwelling morning, and thanks to Veronika who is always here for mesorry for so many alike pics, I just enjoy it so much hereYup, a new everything from family status to the way I spend evenings and nights, from studies (I have picked up Deutsch Oberstufe C1 in addition to all the university courses I have to deal with) to the way I get there (as now I am lucky to live at the same buildings where I have my morning classes daily), from neighbors (here I live across the corridor from Marina and a cool girl Olya who takes me to bars when it’s all too bad) to my hair color, from schedule (no sleep included) to a new view. The other day it rained so cats and dogs that made me just stay at home and finally let myself quit trying to hide from the problems sondern accept them and make decisions. One of them is: I should stop keeping flying to Russia. I belong here, I need to live with that, I am no longer there and my visits can be just like the ones of a tourist getting back to a favorite resort, but not of a homesick girl who is being torn between 2 homes. All my tender love to Saint Petersburg won’t vanish, but there is nothing more that pulls me there like a magnet. It’s gone, he’s there and I’m here. The friends remain friends of course, it has nothing to do wimakigth them, so guys I can’t wait for you visit me here again or at least for a summer vacation all together. But stop, stop being stuck there. As it’s all washed away, a sun comes out, always.
That mess in my head doesn’t let me keep complaining, so I’ll just draw to the conclusion with that I am getting better, I have strong support here, local bars and clubs as well as for example Kristina’s or Sonya’s home welcome me, not even talking about the Gasometer terrace, to which lead all the ways in Vienna as we say. It’s warm out, it’s a new start over and I can do this. Way too epic, don’t like how the whole post sounds at all but w/e.lunch with mom! amazing that she’s in Vienna again and it seems like she brought me here yesterday, but at the same time so so much has changed!thanks for coming overnot focused on me nor am I on anything – it has been wicked times!And let it be some of my new place at the end, I better not remember the drinking nights of mine anymore here and replace it with anything:An early wake-up tomorrow again which has already become a routine for me, coudda never suggest that! I promise not to disappear now.